...I think I've got them. It's a phrase taken from Holly Golightly. It's not really the blues...it's not really anger...it's something in between...maybe more of a frustration that you feel down. It's that itchy ick of not quite being able to place your finger on what's getting to you.
I think I'm not good at wanting to take risks anymore and I think a lot of that is because I'm not doing theater. I almost typed anymore...but that would make it seem like a forever thing and I would hate to think that.
Maybe I'm feeling sorry for myself and I really hate that.
The things that I'm really good at in my job seem to me to be the things that aren't really deemed important by the corporate powers...don't really seem to be valuable...or valued.
Feel like I'm the grunt.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Friday, January 13, 2012
Life changes have been made...
...my son became a husband to a most beautiful wife on October 29. Sweet Adie is the partner Cory had been waiting for.
We got to meet Adie in June. She had gone to Washington, DC to visit a friend from college. On the way back to Portland, she stopped in Columbus to meet us and stayed overnight. At the time, I was so nervous about wanting her to like us that I didn't realize what courage and openness it took to make that stop in Columbus.
On the drive from the airport to home, I asked Adie if there was anything she wanted to while visiting and she said "Can we look at photos of Cory growing up?"...so we did. The next day we had the Cory "This Was His Life" Tour of Grandview...showed her all of the places we lived...were he went to elementary, middle and high school...where he had the after school jobs. It was fluffing the quilt to what she had already known about him and the stories she had heard.
I gave her to take home one of my treasured things. It was the Ernie doll that Cory has has had since he was a baby. When I gave it to her, she got it. She knew it was special.
It was hard to give up Ernie. His nose had been sucked and pulled out shape when Cory was a baby. His original google eyes had been replaced at least three times with felt eyes glued on and drawn.
I miss Ernie. He has been to OCTA and Hilton Head and New Orleans (Bob doesn't know that)...just always made me feel better to have him with me...the tucking of the Ernie nose in the crook of my neck...was like a hugging Cory.
The best thing about being in Portland for the wedding...and it was a wondrous wedding...was getting to hold hands with my son...to just touch him.
Brilliant.
We got to meet Adie in June. She had gone to Washington, DC to visit a friend from college. On the way back to Portland, she stopped in Columbus to meet us and stayed overnight. At the time, I was so nervous about wanting her to like us that I didn't realize what courage and openness it took to make that stop in Columbus.
On the drive from the airport to home, I asked Adie if there was anything she wanted to while visiting and she said "Can we look at photos of Cory growing up?"...so we did. The next day we had the Cory "This Was His Life" Tour of Grandview...showed her all of the places we lived...were he went to elementary, middle and high school...where he had the after school jobs. It was fluffing the quilt to what she had already known about him and the stories she had heard.
I gave her to take home one of my treasured things. It was the Ernie doll that Cory has has had since he was a baby. When I gave it to her, she got it. She knew it was special.
It was hard to give up Ernie. His nose had been sucked and pulled out shape when Cory was a baby. His original google eyes had been replaced at least three times with felt eyes glued on and drawn.
I miss Ernie. He has been to OCTA and Hilton Head and New Orleans (Bob doesn't know that)...just always made me feel better to have him with me...the tucking of the Ernie nose in the crook of my neck...was like a hugging Cory.
The best thing about being in Portland for the wedding...and it was a wondrous wedding...was getting to hold hands with my son...to just touch him.
Brilliant.
Saturday, November 19, 2011
I Really Wonder...
...if I'm getting too old for the physicalities of my job. I moved merchandise and racks from Sunday through Wednesday. The Thursday before I moved MANY boxes of supplies that averaged 35 pounds each...I checked the labels because I thought I shouldn't be having this much trouble moving stuff. Yes...I should have had that much trouble. I just pulled out my calculator and I moved at least 15 boxes weighing an average of 35 pounds which means I moved around 525 pounds of stuff.
...and I wonder why I hurt and don't want to move on my days off.
...and I wonder why I hurt and don't want to move on my days off.
Friday, November 18, 2011
I know jazz hands and a tap dance...
...and don't appreciate when they are used at work to sell me a bill of goods.
The bill of goods? "You're so good at visual, I don't want to take that away from you. I believe in letting people do what they are good at." Fine and good...well and true...but this week I felt dumped on.
Tired of feeling that how the store looks is my responsibility. I do take that challenge on...and what pisses me off is that is no backup. It's all about the money...what about me?
Let me explain. I know we are in the business of selling. The goal is to make money. I get that. The real goal is to make the customer feel great about herself and the above follows...at least in my mind.
If the store looks like crap, how can we expect a customer to feel good about herself? It says we don't care.
Pisses me off that making that big sale has superceded.
The bill of goods? "You're so good at visual, I don't want to take that away from you. I believe in letting people do what they are good at." Fine and good...well and true...but this week I felt dumped on.
Tired of feeling that how the store looks is my responsibility. I do take that challenge on...and what pisses me off is that is no backup. It's all about the money...what about me?
Let me explain. I know we are in the business of selling. The goal is to make money. I get that. The real goal is to make the customer feel great about herself and the above follows...at least in my mind.
If the store looks like crap, how can we expect a customer to feel good about herself? It says we don't care.
Pisses me off that making that big sale has superceded.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
I Got Scared...
...because I hadn't been to my little diary for a while. Signing in, I felt like I was dealing with a lot of jazz hands and production...kind of pissed me off.
My son is getting married in little over two weeks. His Dad and I are walking him down the aisle as are Adie's parents. Makes me happy.
My son is getting married in little over two weeks. His Dad and I are walking him down the aisle as are Adie's parents. Makes me happy.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
How lucky I am...
...that I have a co-holder of life stories in my life. We have been in and out of each lives...but always THERE. Somehow, I guess we just always KNOW about each other. Sometimes I think I take it for granted...never mean to...just have always felt connected.
Of all things...was watching America's Next Top Model and they were doing a campaign about breast cancer for Ford.
Connie...it made me think of you. You've been through the tunnel.
You rock the world...always have.
Of all things...was watching America's Next Top Model and they were doing a campaign about breast cancer for Ford.
Connie...it made me think of you. You've been through the tunnel.
You rock the world...always have.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
At the Midpoint...
...of TWELVE...that would be...TWELVE!!!...days of vacation. I haven't had this many days off from a job unless it was for medical reasons...or I had been made redundant.
It's lovely and very strange to be at the midpoint...only drew up a list of things to accomplish on Day 10...most of which had been in progress since day 3. Acknowledgement is of goals in progress is good, I think.
My Observations of the Week...thus far...
I had to change bathing suits because my beloved Speedo died...the spandex got really tired...drooped like a five year old's suit after daily use at the shore...miss my end X mark tan lines. Readjusting to new lines...really liked seeing those X's...reminds of going to the beach with Connie.
Fun literature is meant to be read at a pool with a hat pulled own low. This really refers to Cosmopolitan...which I'm not sure how I got a subscription to in the first place...the articles make me feel voyeuristic...but I read it cause I get it. After reading a Cosmo article, I have decided that Kim Kardashian seems likes she could be a person we could sit and have coffee with. I wasn't wearing my sun hat that day.
It's really nice to do the laundry and get it put away. Janet always told me you could always get all the important household tasks done during the commercials...totally true. I really like doing laundry...the doing...the folding..hate the putting away. The commercial rule has made it totally manageable and it had gotten out of hand.
It's lovely and very strange to be at the midpoint...only drew up a list of things to accomplish on Day 10...most of which had been in progress since day 3. Acknowledgement is of goals in progress is good, I think.
My Observations of the Week...thus far...
I had to change bathing suits because my beloved Speedo died...the spandex got really tired...drooped like a five year old's suit after daily use at the shore...miss my end X mark tan lines. Readjusting to new lines...really liked seeing those X's...reminds of going to the beach with Connie.
Fun literature is meant to be read at a pool with a hat pulled own low. This really refers to Cosmopolitan...which I'm not sure how I got a subscription to in the first place...the articles make me feel voyeuristic...but I read it cause I get it. After reading a Cosmo article, I have decided that Kim Kardashian seems likes she could be a person we could sit and have coffee with. I wasn't wearing my sun hat that day.
It's really nice to do the laundry and get it put away. Janet always told me you could always get all the important household tasks done during the commercials...totally true. I really like doing laundry...the doing...the folding..hate the putting away. The commercial rule has made it totally manageable and it had gotten out of hand.
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