I can't miss you....

...if you don't go away. It was something my husband said to me the first time I went away for vacation with my girlfriends. It was his way of saying go and have fun and do those things you do with them because I don't get and you need it. It made me fall in love with him all over again.

I'm off to Hilton Head tomorrow with one of my oldest, bestest, dearest friends. We never seem to see each that months have past...but to me it never seems that way. She is always in my thoughts. I don't think she believes it but I do have conversations with her in my head..meaning stuff happens and I think about she would react to it and what she would tell/advise me...I'm glad we can pick "us" up...it's good to know that someone has your history.

We are meeting up with our friend Amy...my longest friend...known her since college...I get to meet Amy's beau for the first time...Connie has met him before...and well, it makes me nervous. It makes me nervous because Amy is in love with this man and I want to make a good impression. I know that seems silly...

I remember the first couple of times Molly and Bob were around each other. He so pissed her off and ruffled her feathers...he can be a bull in a china shop....he is SO missing the conversational censor chip sometimes...his innocent heart and my explanations have him getting slapped upside the head more than he knows.

He loves the ocean. Wish he were going with us...but we would make him crazy.

Next year, I'm taking him to the beach.

Eleven Days....

...and I off to the Island with Connie and meeting Amy and finally get to meet Charlie.

I am looking forward to spending hours in the car with Connie and catching up. We have not seen each other in an obscene length of time. It never seems as long a time as it actually is to me because I always have conversations with her...albeit in my head...and I know that sounds a little insane...but it's true. She is just always with me.

One of the greatest things about this vacation is that I don't have a cell phone. Which means I have to call my husband in the old fashioned collect call...bet you haven't done that since college or in a major emergency. I don't even know if I remember how to call collect but I will find out. The second greatest thing is I don't have a cell phone and enough said.

I am so looking forward to spending time with Connie and Amy and sighting gekkos...they seem to be our good luck charm. Every time we have been to Hilton Head, we have daily gekko sightings. The last time Connie, Amy and I went there was one waiting for us in the kitchen sink and we knew it was going to be a good week...

...and it was.

Been thinking...

...about my girlfriends and how important they are to me and how they just spark my life.

A couple of weeks ago I went to have drinks with my ladies at the Chocolate Cafe. It is place that does chocolate everything and they have a small apertif area (BAR) and make the best chocolate martinis. They make a tequila martini with chocolate drizzle that is...well that is all you need to say "I am slowed down and this tastes good." We all got there one after the other and just fell into the conversation. Some of these women I have known for a few years, some of them are newer friendships.....but what I loved is that everyone just meshed. We all laughed so hard.

This group of people has energized me in so many ways.

I adore their company.

Going back....

...and reading previous posts is an interesting venture. One word keeps popping out at me. That word is sad.

I'm striving for gleeful...joyous...at the very least content. Sad needs to be banished.

My son...

...got crapped on in a relationship. The emotional part happened about three months ago. This was a three year relationship and they had been living together for a year and a half. My child called me at work and was sobbing...gut wrenching sobs. He had been blindsided by the breakup...specifically the words from her "I just need my space". He loved this woman with all of his being.

I met her. I liked her. We never spent much time together but anecdotes he had passed along made me think she got him....they got each other. This was good match.

He called me yesterday with a string of very, very bad day stuff. He got a call from the car people (the car is her name but he cosigned on) that two car payments were missed. Pay now or we repo the car (which is in another city). He called her...she was expecting a tax return (never rely on government timing) and had to pay rent instead. God love my child...he understood. He paid the car payment but then he also had a call from the gas company because that bill was late. He called to try and make arrangements but it was in her name so he didn't have any power to do negotiate. His gas got cut off. He was scrambling to pull things out....and it was a time that we couldn't offer much help financially. That makes me sad.

He wasn't asking for help. I just wanted to give it. He wished he had been prepared. Finances were part of their issues..as I understand, she hadn't really worked for awhile....he was trying to pick up the slack.

I just want my manchild to be happy.

Steam...

..I'm running out of it. I just need a week away from work. I get lucky and have two days off in a row next week...a luxury.

I have vacation coming...going to Hilton Head with a best friend first week of May. Have my short timer's calendar but not sure if I can make it til then. Just feel tired and drained...I work retail..well, that explains it.

Worried because I don't feel great...not bad just not great...don't think I have ever felt really great since my New Orleans pneumonia bout. If your boss comes to work with pneumonia...how can you not? Not a good precedent. Could be on the verge of a body crash and burn...looking forward to Sunday and Monday.

A friend told me....

..while talking about my desire to audition for "Streetcar" that she saw Blanche as a big woman...she wasn't really talking stature...she couldn't explain it. I think she was talking about presence of energy. Her comment was "You would have to find a differant take on the role". My comment was "I would be the tiny little moth flinging itself at the light bulb".

That is how I see Blanche.

Auditions are in August. She sits in the back of my head.