Listen to...

that voice that keeps repeating things people have told you. In this case the words that keep repeating are "she's a backstabber." It has been in the back of my head since I havehad dealings with this individual...didn't want to believe it and still don't want to but she showed her pants a little...and i am a little disillusioned.

Feel I am being unfair but now think I need to guard my back. Thought the playing field had leveled...wish my work environment could become a Communist Nation.

Not going to happen...it's retail.

Beginning to seriously question why do I do this?

I don't think I like myself very much...wasn't really taught how to and maybe had five minutes of acceptance of self when I saw a counselor years back. Can we say time for a tune up?

I did actually start to go to another counselor about ten years ago and was cut loose after two sessions because my insurance coverage wasn't going to cover what the counselor thought was appropriate. To this day, I'm a little angry at her. I'm not even sure why...maybe I had boring problems and it wasn't worth her time to deal with me.

I think everyone should get at least 10 free counseling tickets when you are born...they could be put into the bag with the diapers and stuff you are sent home from the hospital when you take your baby home.

The world would be better place.

Our House...

is a very, very, very fine house. We had people over on Sunday and John described our house as being "magical".

Our building was built in 1941 and has all of the beautiful, quirky (by today's standards) architectural details that either drive you crazy or make you drool. I find myself wearing bibs as an accessory since we have moved here.

There are moments when I think to myself moving from room to room doing mundane things how much I love all of this space.I wonder as we sit on the porch with our friends about all of the people who have sat on the porch before us. I know that they had the same warm feelings about the people around them, the same laughs over shared moments, the same things we do and share care about with the people we love in our lives.

It's nice to know we are part of a continuum.

I'm still a kid inside...

and I am fooling myself with each passing season. No, I am really not. I feel myself slipping into the grownup faze of life...and it's not so bad. I think it has to do with work. I have a new store manager who expects a lot from you...but is willing to give you the support and guidance you need to accept the responsabilty.

My way of dressing is changing...I think I am into a mode of reinvention.

I realizes...

I am still not cool. No matter how much I wish to sit at the cool kid's table...it ain't ever going to happen. I just don't have that cool on line cache.

Better experienced in person...in the moment.

Pretty okay with that...need to stopping checking Facebook.

A friend died...

this week. He was not a close friend...he was someone Bob and I knew through the Black Horse. His name is Tommy. He worked as a bartender at the Fawcett Center and was one of the gentlest people I have ever encountered.

His death has upset me.

Tommy, I hope that you are walking on that warm Florida beach you talked moving to. Roll up your cuffs so they don't get too wet and pick up beautiful shells for all of us.

I will miss your smile.

Two Days Together...

...off is a rare thing in retail...especially recently with our company. I am getting the feeling that the company is wanting anyone who is in a management position to pretty much be willing to live at the store and bleed Chico's.

The big buzz phrase currently is accountability...as in "You will be held accountable". What does this mean...really? We are expected to make phone calls and have appointments and get people into the store. But what happens when you do everything correctly...everything the company asks you to do and people still are not coming into the store or if they are, they are trying stuff on and not buying. How am I accountable for that?

Gerri that I work with called me tonight to tell me that she had her biggest dollar sale ever. The sale was $2000+. DAMN! I was so happy for her because our store has made our plan for the month and that means that any money we make from a sale is doubled...which means she will get $300...a very well deserved and much earned $300.

So... what I really want is three or four days off. Two never seems enough. The days go so fast and I never get done all of what I want to get done.

I think I am just tired...doggedly tired and feel like I am constantly playing catch up. Sometimes because of my schedule Bob and I don't see each other except for minutes at a time.

The end of the month we are going to New Orleans with friends and I can't wait. Still doesn't seem real.