I Really Wonder...

...if I'm getting too old for the physicalities of my job. I moved merchandise and racks from Sunday through Wednesday. The Thursday before I moved MANY boxes of supplies that averaged 35 pounds each...I checked the labels because I thought I shouldn't be having this much trouble moving stuff. Yes...I should have had that much trouble. I just pulled out my calculator and I moved at least 15 boxes weighing an average of 35 pounds which means I moved around 525 pounds of stuff.

...and I wonder why I hurt and don't want to move on my days off.

I know jazz hands and a tap dance...

...and don't appreciate when they are used at work to sell me a bill of goods.

The bill of goods? "You're so good at visual, I don't want to take that away from you. I believe in letting people do what they are good at." Fine and good...well and true...but this week I felt dumped on.

Tired of feeling that how the store looks is my responsibility. I do take that challenge on...and what pisses me off is that is no backup. It's all about the money...what about me?

Let me explain. I know we are in the business of selling. The goal is to make money. I get that. The real goal is to make the customer feel great about herself and the above follows...at least in my mind.

If the store looks like crap, how can we expect a customer to feel good about herself? It says we don't care.

Pisses me off that making that big sale has superceded.

I Got Scared...

...because I hadn't been to my little diary for a while. Signing in, I felt like I was dealing with a lot of jazz hands and production...kind of pissed me off.

My son is getting married in little over two weeks. His Dad and I are walking him down the aisle as are Adie's parents. Makes me happy.

How lucky I am...

...that I have a co-holder of life stories in my life. We have been in and out of each lives...but always THERE. Somehow, I guess we just always KNOW about each other. Sometimes I think I take it for granted...never mean to...just have always felt connected.

Of all things...was watching America's Next Top Model and they were doing a campaign about breast cancer for Ford.

Connie...it made me think of you. You've been through the tunnel.

You rock the world...always have.

At the Midpoint...

...of TWELVE...that would be...TWELVE!!!...days of vacation. I haven't had this many days off from a job unless it was for medical reasons...or I had been made redundant.

It's lovely and very strange to be at the midpoint...only drew up a list of things to accomplish on Day 10...most of which had been in progress since day 3. Acknowledgement is of goals in progress is good, I think.

My Observations of the Week...thus far...

I had to change bathing suits because my beloved Speedo died...the spandex got really tired...drooped like a five year old's suit after daily use at the shore...miss my end X mark tan lines. Readjusting to new lines...really liked seeing those X's...reminds of going to the beach with Connie.

Fun literature is meant to be read at a pool with a hat pulled own low. This really refers to Cosmopolitan...which I'm not sure how I got a subscription to in the first place...the articles make me feel voyeuristic...but I read it cause I get it. After reading a Cosmo article, I have decided that Kim Kardashian seems likes she could be a person we could sit and have coffee with. I wasn't wearing my sun hat that day.

It's really nice to do the laundry and get it put away. Janet always told me you could always get all the important household tasks done during the commercials...totally true. I really like doing laundry...the doing...the folding..hate the putting away. The commercial rule has made it totally manageable and it had gotten out of hand.

Saturday, July 9, 2011 Finding Friends...

...is still astounding to me...especially the ones you want to have for life.

I moved so much as a kid...I was always the outsider...or at least felt like an outsider. The best thing for me was that I got to go to Middle school and High school in the same place...the longest I had ever lived anywhere until I got married.

My son went to a small high school. I think his graduating class was one of the largest and it was a little over 100...and it was the perfect place for him to be. If you wanted to do a sport...sign up and you WILL play...Cory and his friends got played in any sport they participated in...had to use everyone just because of numbers. In that lack of "volume", I think something great happened. It gave them the freedom to try things out of their box..

I need to get back on stage because it was pointed out to me "That sometimes it is hard to have a conversation with you because you perform". It hurt my feelings. She knew she hurt my feelings by the comment and apologized for doing so...but it will take me awhile to feel totally at ease with her again.

I have made great friends with three women over the past year. They have all become great friends.

I feel like the catalyst...and the outcast.

My New Girl...

...is coming on Tuesday.My New Girl is my soon to be daughter in law and this will be our first time meeting. I have only seen pictures and she just has a glow.

I can't wait to hug her...

...and I am feeling insecure and trying really hard to get past it. Erased that line three times because...well...because...I want her to like me and I'm afraid she won't. Every insecurity is bubbling away under the surface.

On Tuesday, around 4ish...I will be at the airport with a sign and flowers for Adie...

...who I can't wait to hug.

My son so loves her. I heard it in his voice.

Courting By Email...

...with my co-future mother in law is not making me feel good about myself...not because of her...because of me.

She sounds vibrant...engaged...alive in her life. I think I sound boring and maybe come across as shallow.

Maybe I am.

That makes me sad.

Thank Heavens for Facebook...

...when you have a forgetful child. Through my Facebook page, I found out that my son had gotten engaged. Cory...being Cory...had misplaced our new phone number and my email address...so sent me a message on Facebook. Imagine my surprise...and I do mean that in a good way. My son has been on a track of new adventures of late...bought a house and got engaged. Two huge biggies.

He has been working for a company called Eco-Shuttle (Google it..very cool) that one his friends started and is their Fleet Manager. He works on the buses/vans cars and keeps them going. I think he finally got the Yin/Yang thing in sync with this. He was one of those kids that tested high in science and the Arts...with this company, I think he found his niche and can use both sides of him....the scientific and the creative.

So...about my New Girl. Her name is Adie (A-dee). I have never met her and she was kind of under the radar when I would talk to Cory. He had gone through a break up about two years ago that wiped him out. We would talk and I finally asked him after some months...are you seeing anyone? He said yes but kind of danced a bit...but I could hear a smile. They've been friends for awhile and I think just kept running into each other because of mutual friends...they had started dating and Cory said "I decided to go for it"...meaning get into another relationship...and he's happy.

I emailed Adie to tell her congratulations and make baby step at getting to know my New Girl (please know that is meant with every smile in my body and because I didn't have a daughter and so she is my "New Girl"). What I loved...she responded to my email...and her first sentence was "How I love your son!" Hoe could I ask for better than that?

I want Cory to have what Bob and I have...what I finally found. The ability to accept what other people give you...and you give them...to know that someone knows and sees your warts and toady moments...and still kisses you...warts and all.

How I love that man of mine. He rocks my world.

May Cory and Adie have that same music for the rest of their lives.