The Picure of Me...

...that I posted I keep wanting to take down. A lovely dear friend they like the photo so.

I had a customer YELL at me in the middle of my store yesterday. It made me shake and I was in the back room sobbing. I have never been so verbally attacked...well, yes, I have...but not by a person I have never met before. She told me that I was rude, arrogant, asked her questions which implied she stupid, that I was snobbish and...and it went on to wonderful to levels from there. I was literally shaking. She told me to get away from her and I asked another of ladies to help her. I went to the sales desk because there was a return and the person had kept shopping...I asked the other manager about the return...and the next thing I know the woman is IN MY FACE accusing me of talking about her...everyone in the store was staring. Some of these people I have dealt with...I was humiliated. I WAS SO ANGRY...I had to hold to to the desk because I was shaking. I said to her "Does it it make you feel you feel good to stand here and make me me feel like crap?".

I looked at Joyce and said "Excuse me...I'm off the floor." In the back of head, I saw Sigourney Weaver in "Working Girl". I went into the backroom and sobbed.

I thought somehow I had caused this...done something to to deserve this. I didn't handle something right.

The worst is that I thought I am going to be in trouble because I talked back to a customer. This is going to be a big complaint call.

The worst of it...I went to the back room and cried. She shopped for two more hours with help.

What's wrong with this picture?

My Sister...

...is a remarkable woman. I wouldn't say that we are particularly close. We have only recently learned to say to each other "I love you" when we end a phone conversation.

We mean it...we know it...why did it take us so long to say it out loud?

My sister and I are so different...yin and yang. She has always been grounded...always seeming to have a plan and knowing where she was going and I was always kind of flighty by comparison. I wonder if I just given more leave to be flighty...but I don't think it's in her genetic make up.

My sister was a teacher. She tells of people coming up to her in the grocery store or wherever and saying "Miss Davis, I was in your class. Do you remember me?" I don't think it's so important that she remembered them...but that they remembered her. She made a mark.

My sister was a tough teacher...and she taught Home Ec and moved to computing when the Home Ec department got cut. She expected the best out of everyone. You were given a task...complete it. She demanded expectations be met...no compromise.

My sister's dilemma...she worked in affluent school district where the students became "clients" and "My child cannot fail". She also worked in a school district at the time when mainstreaming was the buzzword and practice. Good in theory. My sister had a couple of students who were Autistic...maybe Augberger's Syndrome...but they weren't easy to deal with...but she did.

Most importantly, she did it with a lot of physical pain. Her knees are bad...her back is bad...quite frankly she's a mess.

She has no idea of what a mark she has made.

My Dad....

...asked me about my job when I was home. I had told him a while ago that changes were in the air and that would/could mean good things for me. Progression...growth...maybe getting noticed more. I had told him these things back in June when they were told to me...with the vow of secrecy attached.

In all that has happened to my Dad in the last couple of months, he has asked me about my job and what about the things I was told would happen. The first time was when he was in hospital rehab. I told him that it was still in the works. When I was home two weeks ago, he said to me "You didn't get what you were promised." I answered "Well, it's still in the works and they're making changes"....blahblahblah...because I didn't want to answer "No". I didn't want to answer no because I believed in the person who had put those ideas out there. Now I think it was an agenda.

It's funny about work. I am on my fourth store manager now and I don't think that I have changed the way I do my job...but how I am perceived is interesting. The progression: brilliant;so lucky to have you; she knows about the computers; "fucking idiot"; "I'm not going to look bad because of you"; "You have the talent to go to the next level"; "You really are the one runs this store".

So it means I don't know where I am in my job...except I have one that I have a love/hate relationship with.

If I am honest...I'm tired of being treated badly.