Been thinking about it...

...and just want it to be known...

In my nine years with my company, I have probably "given" at least two weeks of my time. Time that was never acknowledged...and if it was...it was "promised" back.

What the hell was I thinking?

Reading...

...my comment in my last posting about having to prove myself made me feel I was being a tad self righteous...therefore I rethink.

Don't we all have to prove ourselves everyday?

We do it at our jobs, with our loved ones, with our friends...in our everyday existence. We do it by doing the best that we can...by trying to be best of what we are.

My Bobert is a great teacher in doing his best. He probably doesn't see that about himself but I do. He is there at the ready when someone needs him. A while back our friend Molly was running a high fever and feeling crappy and scared. Bob went to the drug store and got a care package of what she needed...and added his own get better fixes...Gatorade and crappy tabloids. (Trust me...reading the National Enquirer when you're sick somehow does make you feel better.) He is just a force for good...even when he has a dark day. How I love him so.

I don't feel like I have doing my best lately...so yes...I need to prove myself...mostly to myself.

Not quite feeling up to the challenge but I'm gonna try.

Is it wrong...

...to want a life that matches your friends? Meaning you have the same hours. I always feel a half step out of every one's life. I wonder if it it is worth it. I have given away so much away of the things I am passionate about to a company who I think doesn't really know I exist. I am an employee number that is sent a pay check...I am a body that moves the store around...I am dispensable.

After nine years with this company, they are NOW hiring within. After nine years with this company...seven of which under a Napoleonic manager...I NOW have to PROVE my self.

QUITE FRANKLY, IM'DONE!!!!!

I am tired of of y'all coming in and playing dress up and I have to pick your clothes up off the floor...and I mean OFF THE FLOOR! How special you are, that every thing you tried on can be discarded to the floor.


I am over people treating me like crap because I don't go fast enough...meaning you have have been trying stuff on for three hours and...OMG...you are SOOOOO LATE.....and I am suddenly being so slow at doing my job....and I get angry thrown at me.. Happens a lot....A LOT.

Here's dilemma...customer complaint...long term customer...REALLLLLY UNHAPPY! It was the store manager who treated her badly. What do I do with this information? Rock and a hard place.

We generally pay our part time people appallingly not enough an hour and expect them to be our beck and call girls. Our store has a great team...we've been together a while...we are in for the whole..and I don't think any of them are paid their worth...

None of us are.

I think my company feels we are all disposable commodities. Without US in your stores, you are just a TV commercial ...a magazine wish list.

I feel a rebellion bubblng to the surface.

What was....

...your best moment on vacation? John asked that tonight. I said riding my little faux surfboard really far into shore...I felt brilliant on a two foot wave.

Actually, the best moment was Connie and me in the car after lunch at the cool rest stop in West Virginia (the name starts with a T and the name is gone and I am getting SOOO old). A mishap with seat belts and gum made us deeply belly laugh for at least five minutes. It was the best moment because it was so us.

Thank you Connie...for so many things.

For wanting to go on vacation with me and inviting me.

For sticking with me when I have disappeared.

For sending me home from a rehearsal where I was totally screwing up...almost quit that night and put my script in your door...what stopped me was I loved you more and I wanted to do my best for you.

You are a force to be reckoned with...even if you don't think so.

My real favorite moment of vacation is us on the deck at the house...just talking. Loved it.

You are the Intelligentsia and I am the Flake...we complement each other.

So to Connie...

Thank you for your company. I've missed it more than you know.

You are perfect. Just as you are.

Observations....

....gleaned from the Island

While sitting on a beach, there should always be small children in big hats nearby to watch as they run to the ocean with their Mom chasing behind. Short little legs jumping in tide pools is thing of joy.

God did a really good thing when he made the ocean and sand.

Every vacation needs planners and go with the flow-ers. I am definitely a flow-er. I hope I didn't make my planners crazy.

You do need two weeks and not because of travel time. It takes a good two days to get into the rhythm of where you are...especially going from North to South.

Breaking things (like a bathtub water stopper drain thingy) doesn't have to be a moment of panic. We panic because it's not our house and we (I) felt like I broke the house. You do what you do at home...find someone to fix it.

Really nice, thick bath towels are thing of beauty and wonder.

Breakfast should always be eaten overlooking a dock on the ocean with an open window nearby so you can smell the sea air. Watching a family trying to kayak while we ate was a bonus. We all had fun.

The Metropolitan martini bar had closed. Made me sad it wasn't there. Was looking forward to having a Sex and the City moment with Connie...reminiscent of my first visits to the Island. Kay, Connie and I having a drink there....talking and laughing. Connie, Amy and I having having a drink there...talking and laughing. Realized I was trying to capture a feeling...that going out dressed up moment of being with your girlfriends...

Rocking chairs should be a requirement on every porch. They encourage conversation...and the wonderful comfortable silences. I will find one for my porch.

Going into the ocean with a piece of glorified styrofoam will make you want to hit that "perfect wave" and ride into shore. Granted the waves may be three feet...but I did catch a good one and I laughed like a loon. It was just freeing and perfect.

Hate jelly fish. Was out in the ocean and saw a dark spot floating close to me....jellyfish...couldn't move fast enough away. Saw big ones washed up onshore from the low tide. Saw a product in a store I wish I had bought...Jelly Fish Squish...it was a spray for jelly fish stings.

I made the comment at dinner one night that there could be a business opportunity in the peeing on jelly fish stings...what a great comment to make to make a good impression on your friends beau. Still think it's a valuable defintiely male dominated service...better aim.